Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Mysteries Revisited (Part Two)

Where Was I?

So part one of my post was all about the service, about the marriage ceremony. And I'll follow up with a few final observations:

  1. As a writing teacher, I am constantly aware of my audience. I may not always heed or cater to my audience (clearly, my long blogs are not audience friendly), but I am always cognizant of all those people just beyond the edge of the stage.

    When Mandy and I were planning our wedding, we tried to strike a balance between what we wanted and what our friends and family would enjoy, appreciate, etc. I mentioned in part one that we elicited some good hearty laughs during our service. That laughter was both an expression of communal understanding (a common release) and a nod to the audience.

    We wanted the service to be meaningful to everyone. Whether or not this was the case, well… We can write to our audience with the best of intentions and they still may choose to watch American Idol instead.

    I am confident, however, that for those involved, for those closest to us, we gave as good as we got.

  2. I was/am still humbled by those who attended, participated. While we were planning, there were always questions, concerns, anxieties. We invite X amount of guests and we can expect X amount to actually attend. Will they? Will the church be big enough? Will there be enough food? Will they throw tomatoes at us? Will Benjamin Braddock try to stop the wedding? All these questions circled like vultures for months. Even after we got RSVP cards back, we still didn't know for sure that it would all come together and work.

    There's that faith thing again.

    In the end, everything went beautifully. The mood of our rehearsal was laid back and casual. We attribute much of the success of the service to our minister's ability to set the tone and follow through.

    Our rehearsal dinner served as a close family gathering. And for all the little things that could have gone wrong, for all the little things that could have spiraled the entire event into chaos, we had people ready and willing to step in, assist and persist.

    No one will ever, ever be able to say "It was her special day" about our wedding because it was our day. And that "our" stretches far beyond me and Mandy.

    The church was packed but not uncomfortably so. The music was simple but affective. The service was meaningful. There were tears. There was laughter.

    None of it would have worked had it not been for the love and support of our family and friends. My (our) gratitude will ever be renewed with each passing year's remembrance.

  3. So, back to listening to that CD of the service. There's a good twenty minutes of piano before anything "happens." Our officiant chimes in with a "Greet the bride." Now, the recording was rudimentary. A kid from the church wired up the minister with a lavalier and all the audio comes from his neck. "Greet the bride," he announces. Mandy starts her trek down the aisle. And then, something I only vaguely recall happens. The minister leans over and says, "Pretty good looking."

    He wasn't kidding.

    Yeah. I'm glad we got that on the record.

It's Weddin' Food

For all my talk about ceremonies and spending more time, money, and energy planning everything but the ceremony, I love a good wedding reception. I come from the north where marriage is most often celebrated by stuffing stomachs past maximum capacity. A successful marriage for northerners is guaranteed by the amount of food you can get your revelers to ingest.

When we were planning, we agreed that a majority of our money would go toward two things: food and photographer. The photographer was important because we wanted to make sure that we would have a solid, artful record of the event. Since the day went by so quickly (the reception, in my mind, lasted fifteen minutes at the most), we wanted to make sure we had something to refer to, especially since so many people shared that day with us. I remember bouncing around so much for those fifteen minutes that I couldn't really see if anyone was actually enjoying the event. Looking back at those pictures now makes me all misty eyed. Money well spent.

The food, though, was paramount in making sure that we had a memorable and enjoyable reception. The wife and I love good food, and we sought out a caterer who would give us a variety of good eats. Interestingly enough, while Mandy had plates put before her on several occasions, she never really got to eat any of the food. I did…

In the end, we were happy with our decisions and the reception. The wife and I have been to several weddings in the last two years and, without sounding haughty or defensive, I can say that very few of them struck the balance that ours did. We've been to weddings that were more formal than ours. We've been to weddings where more money was clearly spent on "stuff." But…

Most of these weddings, in the end, didn't really make much sense. They were either driven too much by the bride or by the families of the couples. Or they lacked cohesion, a clear vision. Whether it was an out of place photographer, or a stretch Hummer, or more food than some countries have available for their entire populations, they didn't completely reflect the marriage of two people's desires and visions.

I hope they will all last. I hope that my overly critical eye is just that.

I hope I'm just being picky.

But…

I'll end with this (balance): Despite all of our best intentions, when Mandy asked a certain individual about the food at our reception, he responded, "It's weddin' food." This same individual was also a little disappointed that we didn't have any "Bud" to drink.

Fair enough.

Two Years And Counting…

So, two years in and I'm pretty damn happy. I couldn't ask for a better wife. I only wish we had more time to spend together—free of those pesky job responsibilities.

Yesterday, Mandy mentioned the whole "first two years are the hardest" tenet. If they are indeed the hardest, then I think we're in pretty good shape. I won't say that we haven't been tested (the glory and the mystery of life!). And I will note that I can see where couples might not make it past the two year mark. But we've made it through, we've persevered, and our love has not waned.

Again, I am reminded of the prescience of our ceremony, of these words in our "Prayer for the Couple":

We do not ask that they be kept from all sorrows and all trials; but we do ask that they may learn from these, and be stronger because of them.

Two years in and stronger than ever.

Happy anniversary to us indeed!

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Mysteries Revisited: Marriage Two Years In (Part One)

Back in March, I posted a lengthy rumination on marriage (Thieves, Thieves, Tramps and Thieves: Part Two). The impetus for that post was the hullabaloo around Eliot Spitzer's infidelity and the wave of anti-marriage sentiment that echoed in every facet of public discourse. I mentioned then, and remember now, that it bothered me that "marriage" as an institution was so easily denigrated. How, when every avenue threatens to lead us astray, am I supposed to remain true to the commitment I made to my darling wife?

Today is the second anniversary of my marriage.

And my answer to that question: Faith.

Where's the Mystery?

We had our wedding service recorded but, until today, I hadn't listened to it. I was there, after all. I know what was said! But listening to the service—that sacred moment when my wife and I made a commitment to each other before God, our family and friends—I was struck (again) by the prescience of it.

It brought me back to the planning, to sitting with the good reverend and taking time to decide what our service would be like. I am very thankful for that time—and for the fact that Mandy and I had such a good mentor who presented us with such good options.

Which brings me to something I've observed in the two years since: Not many people take the time to really plan the service portion of their weddings. True, they deliberate over colors and dresses, tuxedoes and wedding favors, food and beverages (to open bar or not to open bar). But when it comes to the actual service portion, many couples do the bare minimum. Or, rather, they defer to their officiants and are left with something that doesn't necessarily reflect the spirit of the couple and where that spirit intersects with the sacred.

We have to say these things before we can all go eat.

I vividly remember planning our service. Our officiant gave us a folder full of services he had performed in the past and asked us to read through them and decide how we wanted ours to go. He also stressed that these were simply guidelines. In the end, he would do (within reason) whatever we wanted. What we wound up with was a cut and paste job of his best bits.

Now, that may not sound very "sacred," but let me explain.

Don't mistake my dislike of most wedding ceremonies for a dislike of the traditional. There is a reason that tradition is part of this event. Sacred rituals invoke the ever-present; they tap into the constant that is human experience in the face of God. Rituals are performed to bring us into that moment that is neither the past, present, nor future. Sacred time sits outside profane time. As such, sacred rites must be observed, even if they are traditional—and a bit boring.

What I have issue with is what I perceive as a failing in other couples' services: Do they really understand/respect the ritual? Do they know why these things are said? Or are they just going through the motions?

This is my beef with all modern ritual. Ritual divorced of the sacred is empty observance. For my money, this is why we now have a man-child epidemic in this country: American men never come of age because they have no sacred rite of passage to manhood. There is a big difference between getting a driver's license and being circumcised at the age of ten without anesthetic while having salt thrown in your eyes.

American marriage ceremonies have lost their sense of the sacred and have, more or less, become ancillary to the reception. One need only look at the time of the ceremony (20 to 30 minutes) in relation to the typical reception (hours).

Okay. So, Mandy and I knew that our service would, more or less, follow the tradition. We wanted that. But we also wanted it to reflect us. It just so happened that some of those best bits I mentioned above hit the right chords for us. In fact, the wife and I had similar reactions to the pieces that we decided to use.

Paramount among them was a bit about mystery:

Mystery is the very nature of life itself: the mystery of creation, the mystery of life-sustaining forces, the mystery of growth, the mystery of order and disorder, the mystery of love. And yet we are called to live in the midst of mystery, to enter into the process of life, of growth, of creation, of love.

I remember reading this particular passage and thinking, "That's it. That's got to be in the service." As I listened to the recording of our service, I was again struck by the power of these statements. Our minister opened with this rumination on the mystery of life and love—and what an opener it was! Certainly, no marriage that begins with these ideas can ever be brought low by the mysteries that test our very nature and faith?!

Even now, I marvel at the truth in these words. Look at how the placement of the phrases puts "order and disorder" next to "the mystery of love." Love is the medium through which we mediate between order and chaos—without it, when order descends into disorder, the typical reaction is despair. Two years in, I can say that the forces of disorder, of chaos, have been ever present in our lives. Through our commitment to each other, love has kept us from the brink of despair.

We are called to live in the midst of mystery.

Thinking back over the last two years of my marriage, I must kneel before the truth of that statement and both rail against the mystery and be thankful for it!

So, in the end, the time and energy that Mandy and I put into our service was well worth it.

Promises, Promises

Okay, so anyone who attended our wedding likely remembers two things from the recitation of our personal promises:

  1. Mine were really long.
  2. Mandy promised to laugh at me.

Listening again, I'm glad to know that we were both able to provoke laughter from those in attendance. This speaks volumes about who we are as a couple.

I am also thankful for the fact that as time carries us away from that moment it feels no less present.

Listening to my darling wife recite her vows still conjures a wealth of happy tears.

Going back to that planning, I recall trying to trim down my vows. I knew they were long. I treated the writing of them like I treat writing poetry—whatever comes out in the process of consulting the muses is what I'm left with, be it short and sweet or long and complicated. When it comes to writing, I trust to my instincts and the process of revision. I took that famous Corinthians passage and ruminated on it through turns of phrasing.

The results were more than two pages long.

Over the course of several months I trimmed them down to something I could fit in my tuxedo jacket and still read without having to squint. I didn't have to listen to the service again to remember the moment when I flipped my page over and heard mumbles from the crowd. But it was my wedding and I was going to say what I wanted to say.

Both the wife and I intended—for our first anniversary—to have those vows framed. We haven't done that yet. Listening to them again reminds me that we need to have that done.

But…

My wife and I have, over the past two years, been to several weddings, and it's hard not to draw comparisons. Some chose to write personal promises; others stuck to the script. For many, that script was all that held the ceremony together and I've found myself wondering what these couples really think is the point behind it all.

Now, two years after my own vows were delivered, I don't have any doubt at all about the point of them.

Monday, May 5, 2008

Defending Chuck


You're So Vain

Several weeks ago, my wife and I were watching television and she said,

"Wait a minute. Rewind that."

We have that fancy but outrageously expensive digital cable from Time Warner, so we can hit the rewind button on damn near everything.

I obliged.

We were watching The Big Bang Theory, a show that I initially didn't like. It's from the creator of another show that I initially didn't like, Two and a Half Men. I am, after all, an academic! Surely Two and a Half Men is a knock-off rehashing of low-ball comedy a la Married With Children and doesn't merit more than my disdain—especially since it stars Charlie Sheen!

It was almost by accident that I started watching Two and a Half Men. A few years back I read something about what the reality TV boom is doing to syndication. Faced with a glut of reality shows that really can be watched only once (if at all), what shows will be rerun in the space between 5:00pm and prime time? The joke was, as I recall, crap like Two and a Half Men.

So one night I watched. And I laughed. Typical, I said under my breath. But I laughed.

And then something interesting happened: I started watching the show regularly. At first, to my wife's dismay. But it wasn't long before she, too, became addicted.

My embarrassed love of the show turned to conviction: While the set-up is tried-and-true sitcom tom-foolery, it is smart tom-foolery. The jokes work because they play on classic comedic tropes, but there is definitely something more vibrating beneath the surface—an honesty one rarely finds in, well, tried-and-true-sitcom-tom-foolery.

Okay, rewind.

So, I rewound the episode and paused at the vanity card. Lo and behold, where most production companies place random life objects—pictures of pets, sonograms—or design esoteric inside jokes (Joss Whedon's Mutant Enemy springs to mind—Grr... Argh), there was a white card with lots of writing on it. Writing that would simply slip by unnoticed or unread unless someone took the time to record and/or stop the broadcast to read.

The one that my wife caught was #198. Interestingly enough, Lorre was apologizing, in his own special way (which is not apology so much as sardonic reprisal), for something he had written on the week's initial vanity card—a religious barb to which CBS took offense.

My wife promptly picked up the laptop and navigated her way to Lorre's website where anyone can access the two hundred plus vanity cards from all of Lorre's television shows, and where you can view the uncensored original #198.

Quickly perusing a random sample of them elicits two truths about Lorre: His intelligence manifests in sardonic wit; His natural inclination is toward bitterness. Both of these things are at the core of his writing—which speaks volumes for why his shows are so damn funny.

I did a little poking around and found "It Hurts To Laugh," an EW.com article by Lynette Rice. In it, Rice claims that Lorre is the "angriest man in television." She also notes EW's mostly-hate relationship with Lorre and his shows. Rice cites Gillian Flynn who claimed, in 2004, that Two and a Half Men "'ain't edgy' and has a 'nasty' take on the differences between men and women.'"

Lorre reluctantly talked to EW in 2006, saying "You're gonna get a lot of hate mail if you say you like this show…It's going to take a real act of courage to say this damn thing is funny.'' I would imagine Lorre wasn't surprised that Rice's article wound up civil and kind to him, but never went so far as to fully endorse Two and a Half Men. Even now, EW mentions the show's success with a wince: "Two And A Half Men continued its reign as the most watched sitcom on TV (sorry, The Office, No. 21, and 30 Rock, No. 44)."

But I guess that's to be expected. Didn't I start this whole thing with a certain amount of reluctance? And I like the show.

Back to the vanity card thing.

Lorre's been writing vanity cards long enough that his very first card reads, "Thank you for videotaping 'Dharma & Greg'." Oh yeah, people used to use VHS recorders to video tape television shows. Wow.

This is important, though, because it illustrates a fundamental facet of Lorre's character. He knew, going into this whole vanity card diatribe thing, that only a handful of people at the most would ever actually read the cards. Even now, with our new-fangled technology, a casual fan of the show might by-pass them altogether. Certainly, I had been watching the show for years (?) before taking the time to pause.

So what gives? Why would Lorre go through this much trouble?

I'm reminded of a scene from Stealing Beauty that I often pilfer for my writing classes. Liv Tyler soaks in a bathtub, a candle nearby, writing poetry on little scraps of paper. In melodramatic, Bertoluccian fashion—in a moment that could only exist in film—Tyler completes her verse and promptly sets it ablaze, burning the thought away almost as soon as it is formed.

This, I tell my students, is the beauty of writing. Sometimes performing the act itself is more important than what is actually written.

Anyway.

Lorre's initial vanity cards manifest as a cycle of beliefs that reflect his torment, a torment that I imagine springs from being an intelligent artist writing in a thankless medium. Television, despite the flashes of brilliance that appear from time to time, does not reward intelligence.

(In the background, I can here Joss Whedon and Tim Minear huff and grumble.)

But I might also argue that Two and a Half Men grew out of Lorre's vanity cards. That is, his ability to ruminate over his frustrations may have led him to write a show whose central conceit is frustration.[1]

Take a look at vanity card #109, the second to appear on Two and a Half Men. It reads like a mission statement.

And, for a show that is supposedly "low-brow," I find it gratifying that Lorre's primary assumption is "an intelligent audience." I'll refer back to my teaching: My number one mantra is "Know your audience." And while I spend much of my time trying to get my students to write to their audience(s), I also try to get them to dissect the assumptions made by authors of the texts they read.

What does the (any) writer want you to think?

All of this is to say that reading Lorre's proclamation ("We assume an intelligent audience") alters our very perception of his show. If we watch the show without knowing this (that we're supposed to think while watching), then we might assume that the intended audience is a pack of brain dead mutants fattened on tit and fart jokes. We are Frito in Idiocracy watching Ow! My Balls!

And certainly, Two and a Half Men appeals to such an audience.

But if the author of the text intends for his show a higher level of thinking, then it might do us good to turn our brains back on and look for more than fart jokes.

I can honestly say that there is more to this show than fart jokes. In fact, Two and a Half Men—like Seinfeld before it—is almost an anti-sitcom. Lorre works from within the sitcom formula to dismantle it and create something much more affective, more human.


It's funny that I should say that—that the show is human—given that vanity card #109 clearly states that the show will refuse to have any of the typical heart-string pulling moments we've come to expect in our sitcoms (Look at how Kelsey Grammer's Back to You has already—not a full season in yet—pulled some of these cheap punches).

But it is—more so because it does not tread on the kinds of set-ups we expect from sitcoms. Or rather, it starts with those but takes us to a much different place. The show is human because it remains true to its central conceit: Life is frustrating.

Wave of Humiliation

In Rice's article, when asked about American Idol, Lorre responds, ''Humiliating someone for being incompetent or untalented is not my idea of entertainment.'' This might seem a bit hypocritical since much of the "fun" in Jon Cryer's Alan Harper relies on his ineptitude. Think back to what I've already quoted: it ain't edgy; it's nasty.

Clearly we are meant to laugh at Alan's incompetence?

But that's misleading. Alan's continued humiliation is symptomatic of his inability to recognize that his problems originate from within: His world view does not match up with his reality. Alan believes in justice, love, and happiness. He continues to misstep as a result of this misalignment with the truth of the universe. Conversely, Charlie's reality is quite harmonious. That is, he recognizes the world for what it is, accepts it, and profits (mostly) from it. Charlie's humiliations are usually taken in stride—with a "sometimes you win; sometimes you lose" mentality. This is not to say that he is always happy, or that he isn't occasionally (repeatedly) punished. Rather, he accepts his fate and waits for the next good lay.

Both of these men represent opposing attitudes toward life: Seek to improve the world (idealism) or accept it for what it is (pragmatism). To be fair (or clearer), Alan's idealism is fostered in cynicism. But, his inability to find happiness is rooted in his idealist nature.

Or wait, what was it that Lorre says in vanity card #4?

Oh yeah, "I believe I'm growing skeptical of cynicism."

Where's the Beef?

The more I entrench myself in the show, the more I'm convinced that Flynn has it wrong: We are, at first, repulsed by the two leading men. One is a womanizing pig; the other is a mooch. But as dysfunctional as they are, they are nevertheless united in their love (though they would never admit it). Despite his protestations, and conventional (wrong) thinking, Charlie is clearly a "great" uncle to Jake. And though Alan is the world's biggest loser when it comes to women, he is a protective father. Jake will, of course, grow up to be as dysfunctional as his two male role models, but he will always be loved.

Charlie identifies with Jake because he is clearly a man-child with mommy issues. It should not come as a surprise that he most identifies with the children he encounters (they love his adolescent sense of humor; his "best" music is childish). What will come as a surprise is the notion that Charlie most identifies with children because he sees more in their innocence than lack of experience. The world of children is clearly better than the adult world. Charlie's decision to never grow up is one founded not necessarily in psychosis, but in choice. A simple, innocent life keeps the horrors of experience at bay.

Mind you, there is plenty evidence for psychosis…

I'll add, too, that Charlie's womanizing is not malicious. It is self-destructive but does not spring from misogyny. He doesn't have any respect for himself. Why should he treat women any differently? And he is often quick to point out that they get just as much out of his affairs as he does. True, there's no growth. But in the dystopia that is Malibu, how can one really grow?

And then there's Jake. He's not particularly bright, but he's an excellent gambler. And he is the epitome of the millennial. I won't dignify that last statement with clarification.

And let's face it: Angus T. Jones is a brilliant comedian.

The Elegant Universe

When I was explaining the charms of The Big Bang Theory to a colleague, she asked, "Why's it called 'The Big Bang Theory?'" I didn't have a good answer. I rattled something off about science and nerds. But of course, there's more to it than that. In fact, the title resonates with Lorre's penchant for doubling of meaning. Certainly, it is titled appropriately for its geek-derived humor. But the deeper meaning is this: The show's main conceit is sex—and how difficult it is to navigate the game of getting sex, love, and happiness. It is a theoretical treatise on man's pursuit of woman.

That's not all that deep (hence my continued use of parenthetical addendums), but it works for the show because theory and practice don't match up. Smart guys don't get hot chicks is the thesis of this show. Surely, the audience expects Leonard to eventually hook up with Penny. Sitcomdom dictates it. However, Lorre will likely resist this inevitability as long as he can. As well he should: If the two characters ever consummate, then a false "lesson" will be learned. Smart guys don't get hot chicks.

If smart guy gets hot chick, then the show will invalidate itself.

But here again, I think there's more to it than that. See, what I've noticed as the series continues (thankfully, we will get another season—because of the strike? hmm…) is that Penny is certainly not the dumb blonde that we were led to (or we presumed her to) be when the show started. Her acerbic wit and ability to shut Sheldon down is one of the highlights of the show. These two are the odd couple of the new millennium.

And there's something more there, too: The argument that Lorre's view of man/woman relationships "'ain't edgy'" but "'nasty'" might logically lead to the idea that Lorre's worldview is misogynistic.

But Penny. Penny is smart.

The title of Two and a Half Men also has double meaning, which should be obvious upon second look. It infers a question: We immediately assume that Jake is the "half" man, but is he really? Who is the "half" man? Cycle around the three and one can make a pretty good case for all of them. In fact, I would suggest that together they make two and a half men. In any given situation, they perform as whole or half.

I started down this path in an attempt to get to the humiliation thing. In the pilot episode of The Big Bang Theory, Leonard agrees to get some stuff from Penny's ex-boyfriend's apartment. The meat-head ex pantses Sheldon and Leonard. We see them walking up their sysiphusian stairs in tighty-whities. Certainly this is humiliation for audience gratification, no?

No. This is a "lesson" in social hierarchy. We laugh, but not at Sheldon and Leonard. We laugh at the situation. Actually, I take that back. We are laughing at Sheldon and Leonard. We laugh because they have tried to move out of their social station. This is naturalism through and through—which should come as no surprise since the show is ultimately about science, rationalism, humanism, and societal conventions. Social Darwinism.

The Jerusalem Duality

While Lorre might protest that there is no message, that no greater interpretation is expected of The Big Bang Theory, episode twelve is more than it first appears. In this particular episode, Sheldon is dethroned as grand-science-nerd-poobah by a fifteen year old North Korean. The episode spirals ever-downward as Sheldon tries to claim a different corner of the intellectual market (the title of the episode refers to his plan to recreate Jerusalem wholesale in the Mexican desert). But, in a brilliant turn, Dennis Kim, the North Korean prospect is "neutralized" by a fifteen year old blonde girl.

True to the overall tone of the show, this episode shows our geek heroes losing yet again, and as expected, order is eventually restored. The plot-premise is certainly not new. But I can't help but find an all too prescient allegory here. This episode is a biting dumb-show: It posits how the western world's fear of eastern dominance will be succinctly cut by the west's ability to destroy all that is promising in humanity through exploitation of base instincts. That Dennis Kim suffered to tunnel his way out of North Korea—only to be brought low by a blonde tart in hot pants says everything we need to know about the future of mankind.

And with that, I think I'm done.


SOURCES


Lorre, Chuck. "The Official Vanity Card Archives." Chuck Lorre Productions. 5 May 2008. <>.

Rice, Lynette. "It Hurts To Laugh." EW.com. 8 Dec. 2008. 5 May 2008 .

---. "The Ratings Report: 'Idol' rules (again)." Hollywood Insider Blog. 22 Apr. 2008. EW.com. 5 May 2008 .


[1] Rice's article discusses Lorre's frustrations in much greater detail—to the point that this statement is not really that accurate. My point, though, is that Lorre may very well be the kind of person who uses his writing as therapy. If his vanity cards serve as a release valve, then it might follow that this release allowed him to get to a point of creating a show that hits closer to home? Hmm…

Monday, April 14, 2008

All Hail The Aporia

In The Beginning

Several months ago, after a lively panel discussion on postmodernism—a pet project of mine and my esteemed colleagues—I professed to my friend over at Virtual Bourgeois that "Poststructuralism saved my life."

"Actually," he replied. "You mean poststructuralism saves your life."

I thought of this exchange as I gleefully ingested Stanley Fish's most recent blog, "French Theory in America." Fish's comments, as usual, resonated with the doctrine I've espoused since first encountering Derrida in 1995. In fact, I found Dr. Fish's ruminations on deconstruction to reinforce (reaffirm) what I have been thinking for years—both in critical practice (peruse my back-catalog of posts and I think you'll see a lazy-not-dogmatic adherence to the topical tenets of deconstruction) and life (for my Facebook page, I noted quite slyly that I am "Occasionally Agnostic").

Okay, so I was a junior in college when I signed up for a Literary Criticism course. I wound up in a class that was populated almost entirely by graduate students. The course was by far the most challenging I have ever taken. Where I had been quite a slacker in most of my other courses, I buckled down in this one—determined that I would get it.

I did (or at least I think I did) get it. But I distinctly remember going to the final exam with a fever, convinced that I had made myself sick from working so hard. The course culminated in a major critical treatise on The Scarlet Letter, and I pulled a two day all-nighter to finish that paper. I remember taking a break to go see a movie at the cheapo theater half a block from my apartment. Something frivolous to reset my mind. It didn't work. I remember trying to sleep during those two days—I tried to trick my mind into thinking about anything else, preferably something dirty. But it never failed that, just as it was starting to work, Hester Prynne would slip back into my consciousness.

Far and away the hardest I've ever worked to get an A. I almost broke down in tears when I got my grades in the mail. When I went to see my professor the next semester, to pick up my graded paper, there was an awkward exchange—like a scene from an Edith Wharton novel. Decades past, lives devolved into disappointment. A brief, momentary flash of excitement in remembering a past interlude. Then a flood of embarrassment for such an open display of need. I don't think I ever actually talked to her again.

I should probably clarify: That was all me. I equate my theoretical "awakening" to some torrid affair, like Andrew McCarthy in Class. My life was never the same after that semester. And that is such a good, good thing. I discovered formalism, structuralism, new criticism, feminism, Marxism, and true critical inquiry. I went from being a little punk who liked to write silly poems, to an empathetic scholar with a clear agenda.

I recall brashly claiming to my professor, "I'm a feminist!"

She looked at me without blinking and replied, "You can't be a feminist because you're not a woman. You can be pro-feminist, but not a feminist."

I was embarrassed but not deterred. It should come as no surprise that my master's thesis is thick with feminism—in a good way.

But this piece is not about feminism. It's about poststructuralism.

As part of that class, I had to take on the challenge of presenting a "contemporary" theoretical approach to the rest of the class. I'm pretty sure that I rashly picked the hardest one of them all. In preparation, I launched into the "Poststructuralist theories" chapter of Raman Selden and Peter Widdowson's A Reader's Guide to Contemporary Literary Theory. It wasn't long before my head was swimming.

"Instead of viewing language as an impersonal system," I read, "[poststructuralists] regard it as always articulated with other systems and especially with subjective processes. This conception of language-in-use is summed up in the term 'discourse'."[1]

Looking up from the book suddenly, I noticed a little flutter at the edge of my vision, a slipping of light, a tick in perception, like the seams of reality were bulging and fraying—through the crack I could see to the other side just a little bit.

I wrestled with Barthes, Lacan and Kristeva. Then Derrida, de Man, and Foucault. O, it was a heady brew! But I pressed on because it was invigorating. I was determined to explain all this to my classmates. I had seen the face of God and I was so excited to show everyone else!

Okay, so this is a bit over-written (imagine that), but I did try hard to lead my classmates down that path. I won't say that none of them got it. But certainly their lives were not as affected as mine.

I guess that's to be expected.

Part of the problem of poststructuralism is what Stanley Fish addresses in his blog. Giving so much signifying power to language (read again the quote from Selden and Widdowson) means giving over control—and let's face it, most humans prefer to think they are masters of their own destinies, or that they are fated into existence by God. Both ways place a certain amount of agency and stability on existence that is located outside the individual. Poststructuralism strips away the machinery to expose the horrible mess we're in—ideologies improperly grafted onto theologies and scientific theories. All of everything couched in a communication system that is inherently flawed and constantly in flux.

It is no surprise that when the dress is lifted, most run away in fright!

But I will get to that part later.

For now, it's enough to say that I did not look into the face of poststructuralism and despair. Rather, I found something quite comforting: Words.

Words, Words, Words

After reading Dr. Fish's blog, Mina Demian questioned "Is there a level where deconstructionism could 'stop' and the knowledge gained or acquired could still be useful?"

My answer to this question—which I posed back when I first encountered poststructuralism—is Yes! And, well, No! As several other commentators mentioned, the point at which a "deconstruction" stops is a point of personal buy-in or short-sightedness. That is, what deconstruction theorists do is drill down to the points they wish to make and stop—and wait for someone else to come along and either refute or pick up the train of thought. The result is that unless the theorist or writer cleverly disguises his/her motives, any argument becomes self-defeating.

This is where that horrible "Think outside the box" phrase comes into play. Encouraging "outside of box thinking" necessarily implies that such a thing is possible. Implying that such a thing is possible supposes that thinking originates inside the box (because there has to be an "in" in order to go "out"). As such all thoughts originate inside the box—even those that are encouraged to form outside it.

The wheels on the bus go round and round, round and round.

So any and all theorists enter the circle at one point and leave at another. As such, stopping means leaving oneself open to the same scrutiny by which one began.

But at some point everyone has to stop.

One must imagine Sisyphus happy.

I have to admit that I've gotten into that roundabout many a time myself (I'm in it right now…). I've followed the rabbit down the hole and gotten irrevocably stuck.

But, without sounding crass, isn't that the nature of existence? Aren't we finite beings playing with the infinite? We need to stop because we can't go on.

So, Mina, grab the magnifying lens and rush into the forest—run as fast as you can, and go go go until you've lost your pursuer. Then train that lens on something flammable, start the fire, and run back out. Hope no one ever figures out how you started the fire.

But clever metaphors aside, I am reminded of two things.

First is this quote from Kenneth Burke:

Imagine that you enter a parlor. You come late. When you arrive, others have long preceded you, and they are engaged in a heated discussion, a discussion too heated for them to pause and tell you exactly what it is about. In fact, the discussion had already begun long before any of them got there, so that no one present is qualified to retrace for you all the steps that had gone before. You listen for a while, until you decide that you have caught the tenor of the argument; then you put in your oar. Someone answers; you answer him; another comes to your defense; another aligns himself against you, to either the embarrassment or gratification of your opponent, depending upon the quality of your ally's assistance. However, the discussion is interminable. The hour grows late, you must depart. And you do depart, with the discussion still vigorously in progress.

We often intend so vigorously that we forget the point of the journey (a supposition that there is one, of course): the conversation (life). This is the story of humanity and we all play our parts, intentionally or unintentionally.

And so, when David L. Book chastises Dr. Fish, claiming that this is all "nothing but 'words, words, words,'' I have to gleefully shout: Exactly!

Ultimately, all of this is really just words, words, words. And that is exactly why it is all so damn important: Without communication, without discourse, we have nothing.

What deconstruction—what poststructuralism—does for us is draw into question the systems by which we communicate. It gives agency to the words and the unwieldy apparatus we attach to them.

We then deconstruct that apparatus to find the Emperor has no clothes!

Now, I’m not suggesting that deconstruction defeats all knowledge, science, and reason. Nor do I disagree with Dennis Boston (how clever) when he writes, "Words are not merely codes, using them is a behavior, and the behavior alters their meaning." The behavior that we exhibit, regardless of our native tongues, is—to greater and lesser degrees—contingent upon the language we use to explain and communicate that behavior.

The door swings both ways, so to speak.

One need only look at the differences between American English and British English to see this tableau in play. In fact, let's take the word "snog" and see how behavior alters its meaning.

In British English, "snog" means "kiss." This word is not used (much) in American English, and I would be so bold to suggest going up to a random stranger in middle America and suggest a little "snogging." The response to this word—its etymology still intact—would illustrate a variance in behavior dependent upon place and culture. Clearly behavior has the upper hand here.

But the word itself is not powerless divorced of its context. If you get slapped for suggesting a "snogging" in the woods, then the word has power even outside its original context. This draws attention to the intentionality of word choice. If I choose one word over another, it is likely because it better fits my message. In this instance, language shapes my message. I suggest a "snogging" instead of asking for a kiss. And, just as my snogging might show, my message is not dependent only on my behavior and my intentions. I might intend just to suggest a kiss behind a tree. My dear stranger might punch me in the crotch because he thinks I hope for more.

And so language does depend on behavior, but behavioral reactions are not static—just as language is not static. What we need to remember (and in our poststructural inquiry what we need to focus on) is that not all behavior and meaning is predestined (set in stone, reflected in a cave). And since language and action are not predestined, there's always room for interpretation and manipulation.

Even in the hardest of sciences a misplaced comma can cause a coma.

When Alan Belkin writes, "the whole idea that thought depends on language is just plain WRONG. Babies think, you can think in sounds (music) and in shapes and colors (visual art), and Steven Pinker’s latest book (The Stuff of Thought) makes a convincing case for thought as PRE-linguistic," he makes a good but misguided point. The question here is not that thought is POST-linguistic but that thoughts, divorced from communication systems (music and visual arts included), have no where to go until they are cast into a system. As such, something is always bound to get lost (in translation, har har) or misrepresented.

We are—despite our clearest thinking—left with the tools in our collective toolboxes.

What we gain from pursuit of poststructuralist thought is a determination to choose tools wisely. And hell, even delight in what we can create with them!

So (a long time coming) second is this comment to Dr. Fish from Carl Dietz:

“Enjoy” the wonderful dance floor we so eloquently call Language.

Stepping Off the Balcony

I have to remember that while poststructuralism saves my life, it is a punching bag for scientists and trenchant realists.[2] A trusted former professor of mine—a man who has spent much of his life both teaching and practicing critical theory—claims that much of what theorists do is "intellectual masturbation."

Let's face it, life saving is a far cry from dirty talk and masturbation, eh?

There is a deep division between the main disciplines of academia. This is nothing new. The insignificant arts lounge on one side, wine glasses in hand, and the important sciences work long fruitful hours in lab coats on the other. It should come as no surprise that the serious rationality that permeates math and science are, at least in regards to praise, the envy of good for nothing artists. We enjoy our wine but constantly strive to be taken seriously—to be patted on the back and told that we're just as important. Look how the social sciences clamor for validity by tacking a clean word (science) onto a dirty one (social)!

Good luck with that.

Stanley Fish more appropriately addresses the debates between these factions. However, his blog elicited a flood of rather peculiar comments like the one I've already quoted. Since I seem to side with Dr. Fish (I am not the Lorax; I do not speak for the Fish), I'd like to address some of the comments to his post for two reasons: the first doesn't really involve you (what was that about masturbation?); the second has to do with my profession. Because so many of the comments to Dr. Fish's blog show base line misunderstanding, I feel called to unpack his profligate prose in an attempt to save more lives than just my own!

Someone by the name "Duff," notes, "Alan Sokal invited those who think that the 'I' changes the reality of the 'it' to step off the balcony of his apartment on the 20th floor and see if gravity is a relative thing, a 'thing' affected by the consciousness of the thinker."

This is a typical response to the work of deconstructing. It is through lazy rhetoric that we can come to such lame jokes. Let's take a journey, shall we?

It is important to remember a key factor in what deconstruction is/does:

Language is the primary target or focus in deconstruction, not objective reality.

Let's look at that sentence again. What the theorist would say (in the guise of me, of course), is that "objective reality" is ultimately susceptible. The key word here is objective. Its use carries baggage, and this is where the theorist points and says, "Subjective language used to explain objective reality creates a paradox. There is no such thing as objective reality because there is no such thing as objective language."

Now, "Pip! Pip!" shouts "Duff" because he feels accosted. His whole methodology has just been shoveled off as subjective.

In his mind, the theorist has posited that rational science as we know it ceases to exist in a clever turn of phrase!

But that's because our dear "Duff" misinterprets the connection between the "words" and the "reality."

This is the formula that I image springs to "Duff"'s mind in response to my theorist's statements:

Objective Reality = Subjective Language + Reality

Because language is certainly not important, we can axe it:

Objective Reality = Subjective + Reality

And thus:

Objective Reality = Subjective Reality

Which finally becomes:

Reality = Subjective

Hard science as a means of determining reality is thrown into question.

Wait for it.

Uproar.

Or, to draw on Dr. Seuss again, everyone's dander is up!

But here's the thing: What the theorist is supposing is not the end of all reality and objectivity. That would necessitate relying on a logical fallacy. In fact, my formulas above are reasoned in fallacy.

Language is subjective. No one—even the 600 plus respondents to Dr. Fish's article—would disagree with that. As such, using language to codify scientific results leaves room for some interpretation. Let's call this "wiggle room."

That I would say "I do not think that I will die if I step off this balcony because I create my own reality," and then plummet to my death is just silly. It's like a Pollock joke for theorists.

No one—even the most obfuscating theorist—would take that bait. Why? Because this is not what these theorists are suggesting. Not even Stanley Fish, I think, would disagree: Deconstruction is not a means by which one determines his/her physical existence. It is not a religion that breeds reality bending fanaticism.

What is it then?

It's a critical apparatus that ultimately questions the space between the thing and the word. Fish writes, in regards to the French theorists agenda, "what was involved was less the rejection of the rationalist tradition than an interrogation of its key components."

Let me put it this way: The problem is our human tendency to extremes and lazy thinking. We tend to react to change (danger, bad news) by flipping to the other side. Or we take one idea and run it so thoroughly into the ground that we don't remember how we got to China. The rationalism of the Enlightenment begat a dogmatic addiction to rationality—which squeezed out any room to wiggle.

But there's always room to wiggle.

Here's what I mean by this. When I teach these things, I use two examples. The first is a melodramatic dropping of a book. I tell my students that what I'm not suggesting is that gravity doesn't exist.

I pick up a book and let it fall to the floor (loudly, I might add).

Language and social construction do not change this action. For effect, I usually give the book another good drop.

I then draw a tree on the board and ask them to identify the object. Because I'm not very good at drawing, it takes them a few minutes… but eventually they determine that what I've drawn is, in fact, a tree. To solidify this point, I write an equal sign next to my tree and then write the word "tree."

Now I discuss the nature of that tree—both in the conversational space where we all discuss our favorite trees to climb, etc., and the theoretical space. Here's where we talk Plato and Aristotle.

And then I erase the word "tree" and write a different one, like "car."

All of this is meant to set up the issue of words, meaning, and linguistic shifts. The tree is not a tree if we decide to call it a car. Silly as stepping off a balcony, I know, but the point is made—and, hopefully, taken.

Here's the point: Changing the moniker doesn't change the reality of the tree. If we all agree to call the tree a car, then we've effectively changed our reality (in regards to our communication system) without changing the actual thing (the object remains what it always was).

The language shifts and molds itself to purpose. It is the nature of language to do so. And that's a good thing because it allows our perceptions to adapt to our changing reality (or is it the other way around). Think about a child who sees a giant redwood tree for the first time. Has his reality not changed ever so slightly?

That we now blog instead of writing a letter to the editor does not mean that communication has been fundamentally altered—only that we now do this instead of this. This (blog) needed this (paper/letter) to get to this (communication). But the same basic needs have been satisfied regardless of what "this" is!

And yet… says the wily theorist… that's also the problem.

Let me give you another example. I love to cook and the wife and I recently bought a book called The Best Meat Recipes from the editors of Cook's Illustrated. In discussing pork, the book mentions the National Pork Board's decision in the 1980's to radically alter pork production. They worked to alter pig farming and make pork leaner. Nearly all pork consumed in the United States right now comes from pigs that are 75% leaner than they were prior to this shift in production techniques.

The book even mentions that people—like myself—who have only really eaten this leaner pork would find pork bred by older farming standards distasteful.

And I love ham.

Now, until I read this bit I had absolutely no idea that such a thing had occurred. I would venture to say that most of us had no idea. And, for my purposes here, most Americans under the age of 25 will have no idea.

Does this fundamentally change our existence? Well, clearly not, since had I not read it, I would be just fine. I would live out my days eating my trimmed down pork with glee.

But but but… in some small way it does reverberate, it does alter our existence. That is, something as fundamental as what we eat (those of us who eat pork, anyway) has been drastically altered without our knowledge.

What else, logic whispers, have we let slip past without our noticing?

I'm not trying to descend into conspiracy theory land, but the key here is that social construction does affect our perception of reality. What we argue about (here in this space between science and theory) is the extent to which reality is altered.

That is the nature of deconstruction.

Deconstruction picks apart language to shine a small light on the space between what we perceive and what is.

Because I am, after all, a trained literature scholar, I'll bring up Shakespeare and "ocular proof."

In A Midsummer Night's Dream, when Claudio is brought to spy on Hero, what he sees dictates his actions. He thinks he sees—and seeing is believing, remember—Hero getting it put to her by Balthasar. We the audience know this isn't the case, and all is revealed in the end (poor Hero!), but the point is made.

We trust our eyes too much.

And that's the ultimate aim of deconstruction: to question the apparatus (language, social convention) that holds our reality in place. It is not to suggest that gravity is just a perception. Rather, the deconstructionist questions how our perception of gravity affects the reality of it.

Or is it?

(That spiral of never ending erasure? Yep, here we go again…)

I'm going to defeat any good I may have done here by calling gravity into question. Or, at least, I am going to call the language in which it is couched into question.

I've shown the first part of Brian Greene's Nova special The Elegant Universe to my mythology classes in an effort to discuss creation myths. From this nicely constructed special, I draw my understanding of how the laws of gravity do not mesh with the laws of quantum mechanics. Each works, but they do not work when put together. Rather, they can't be put together.

The line I'm reminded of is "You can't have two separate everywheres," which is ultimately the problem of unifying the laws of quantum mechanics and the laws of gravity.

What's interesting here is that Brian Greene makes a point of saying that the laws of gravity suppose, in the "large scale," an "ordered" universe; quantum mechanics suppose, in the "small scale," a "strange and bizarre" universe ruled by probability and chaos.

Ultimately, these two sets of laws (science!) are set against each other. The terms of use to us are chaos and order. They are not my words, but Brian Greene's—a scientist's.

But but but… Did I mention that I have shown this segment to my mythology classes? Well, that's my point (the one I raise for debate in my classroom): Brian Greene's discussion of unification and string theory is science's recasting of creation myths using rational, scientific inquiry.[3]

Now, the end result, you may be thinking, is that the two are the same. That's the idea I present to my students: that string theory is a new (sexy) creation myth.

(Groans from the audience.)

But that's not exactly what I'm getting at here. Instead of drawing a debate about science and myth, let's look at the language. The language used is similar even if we can't agree that the concepts couched in the language are similar: God creates an ordered world out of chaos. The laws of gravity govern our ordered perception, while the laws of quantum mechanics govern chaos.

And so, what is questioned and dissected by the deconstructionist is not the science, but how the science is presented. In this case, in regards to The Elegant Universe, I am left to question—as theorist at play—whether or not the problem of unification is not one of language and not science. That is, have we written ourselves into a paradox because the language cannot—by its very nature—seek to contain infinite scientific reason in a finite way? Is it possible that the language cannot keep up with the science? Is it possible that forward momentum in science has pushed to the limits of language and, as such, left us without a way to explain how gravity and quantum mechanics operate together in our world view?

That's what deconstruction does. It questions the conversation about the subject, not the subject itself.

For that reason deconstruction is useless to scientists and trenchant realists.

Or is it?

(Here we go again…)

While scientists shake their heads in disdain, social theorists grapple with the fires and woes of human irrationality.

Social scientists and cultural theorists have the business of re-evaluating meaning in a meaningless world.

In our corner of the intellectual spectrum, deconstruction is deeply useful because it allows us to infinitely question our motives and actions. It keeps us guessing so that we don't sit still long enough to cause even more problems.

In the end, Dr. Fish's most prescient comment is this one:

All we lose (if we have been persuaded by the deconstructive critique, that is) is a certain rationalist faith that there will someday be a final word, a last description that takes the accurate measure of everything.

If this is the case, I think I will continue to find value in poststructuralism as a whole and deconstruction as a mode of inquiry. To borrow a phrase (again) from Kenneth Burke, I've decided to put in my oar.

Stop.

[1] p. 127. Selden and Widdowson. A Reader's Guide to Contemporary Literary Theory. 3rd ed. Univ. Press of Kentucky. 1993.
[2] I must always be mindful that blanket statements be endnoted if we're to do proper deconstruction. Not all scientists are trenchant realists. And not all trenchant realists care enough to mean theorists harm by suggesting we step off balconies!
[3] Yes, I know that string theory is not widely accepted.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Thieves, Thieves, Tramps and Thieves: Part Two

Keeping the Faith: Marriage and Infidelity

I'm not ashamed to admit that Edward Norton's directorial debut, Keeping the Faith, is one of my favorite movies. This little diddy about a priest and a rabbi who fall in love with the same woman is just that: a sweet trifle about tolerance, friendship, and love.

Toward the end of the movie, father Brian Finn (Norton) goes to his elder, father Havel (a nice little cameo by Milos Foreman), for advice. Finn feels like he's betrayed god—that he should leave the priesthood because he fell in love with a woman. Foreman consoles him by saying, "I have been a priest for over 40 years, and I fell in love at least once every decade."

The point of this exchange is that priests make a higher commitment to God, but this commitment doesn't supplant their humanity. Turning away from a "normal" existence to face and serve god does not mean one (the self) ceases to exist. Rather, the challenge is to "keep the faith" in the face of temptation.

This scene is touching because it reinforces the idea that commitments are not immune from temptation but are, ultimately, worth adhering to (rejecting temptation) because they are lasting. What good is a commitment if it's not worth keeping?[1] To "fall in love at least once every decade" is momentary; to serve God is everlasting.

As a priest, father Finn gives up his right to fall in love, get married, and have sex with Jenna Elfman. He does this in order to serve God. This kind of sacrifice has meaning, has power. Why? Because God's love is deeply fulfilling, more so than the tenuous tremors of desire. True, love is not to be trifled with, but Finn has already committed himself to God—and so his love for Elfman's character is not (or would not be) true love. He has already given that to God.

Is marriage, then, not similar? In committing ourselves to our partners, do we not commit our true love to them? Anything that comes down the line after that is ultimately suspect, untrue.

The scene from Keeping the Faith further resonates because committing to a higher purpose is difficult. It requires a sacrifice—a self-sacrifice at that. I probably don't need to point out how most of us have issues with self-sacrifice…

But I will anyway: Bringing this down a few notches to the more mundane, I'll say that anyone who has made a New Year's resolution knows how hard it is to make a sacrifice. If it's so hard to commit to a new exercise schedule, or to stop eating pork, no wonder so many people have trouble remaining faithful in marriage!

Okay, so I just compared giving up pork for Lent to staying faithful to your spouse. I also implied that marriage requires a sacrifice. Some might take offense to that, but let me clarify: We make sacrifices when we choose to marry. Just as Father Finn gives up his right to follow through with his desires, those of us who are married sacrifice single life for the greater cause of a relationship. Most of these sacrifices, truth be told, might better be classified as simple trade-offs. In fact, many would prefer calling them "trade-offs" to sacrifices because "trade-off" makes marriage seem more like a business transaction. Like buying a car…

But in order for a real marriage to exist, a real sacrifice must occur. And it's the big one: self-sacrifice. Don’t get me wrong. Self-sacrifice doesn't negate remaining true to ourselves. We must (constantly) strive to maintain that balance.

So the tenor of my prose so far is riddled with "commitment" and "sacrifice." I even led this bit off by referencing a film about a priest and a rabbi…

What gives?

More than being bugged by the haphazard use of "whore" in lambasting Eliot Spitzer, I've been unnerved by the repercussions of his infidelity across marriage discourse. Since the incident, I have heard very, very little positive commentary regarding marriage and fidelity. Not only did we have the newly installed governor of New York shopping out his laundry list of infidelities, and the ex-governor of New Jersey letting us in on his ménage a trois, but NPR ran a few bits on how political sex scandals are nothing new, and I even caught part of an hour long radio show devoted to investigating the reasons behind public figures and their sexual foibles.

The most unsettling bit, though, came from Two Guys Named Chris on Rock 92. Deidre announced that of all her married friends, not a single couple had escaped the ravages of infidelity. Hearing this a 7:30 in the morning, after having climbed out of bed with my darling wife, I was horrified.

Is it really that hard to maintain fidelity in marriage?!

I spent the rest of that day mulling over the various marriages I've been privy to in my life… Suffice to say, the outlook was dim.

Why am I so shaken by all this? Well, I've been married for two years. I love my wife, and I recognize and accept—at my core—everything that I've pointed out above about sacrifice, commitment, faith and true love.

I've committed myself to my wife. I've made that sacrifice. She has, too.

But…

Will our marriage withstand the damaging cyclone of our treacherous, poisonous culture?

All signs point to "Yes."

But we certainly won't be able to find much refuge in the world around us…

Let me go back to these comments: "Self-sacrifice doesn't negate remaining true to ourselves. We must (constantly) strive to maintain that balance." It might be argued that social and political positions ravage relationships due to the stressors inherent in the jobs. The "self" in these positions is under constant barrage; having to maintain a public persona amidst the daily complications of any committed relationship must be daunting. Add to this the sheer logistics of public life: One would rarely, I imagine, have much "me time," or time for self-reflection/release.

But to counter this, I'm reminded of Joseph Campbell's discussion of the "tyrant-monster" in The Hero With A Thousand Faces:

The inflated ego of the tyrant is a curse to himself and his world—no matter how his affairs may seem to prosper. Self-terrorized, fear-haunted, alert at every hand to meet and battle back the anticipated aggressions of his environment, which are primarily the reflections of the uncontrollable impulses to acquisition within himself, the giant of self-achieved independence is the world's messenger of disaster, even though, in his mind, he may entertain himself with humane intentions.

Ultimately, Campbell points out, "the hero is the man of self-achieved submission."[2] Does this not sound like my earlier comments regarding self-sacrifice? Once committed to the higher cause (in my mind, I would rather call this a twinned spiritual transcendence/obeisance since our lives are a journey toward greater understanding and service), once set upon our hero quest, we must acknowledge/accept the loss of innocence—which here I will equate with accepting social responsibility in lieu of puerile pleasures.

I’m reminded, too, of a bit I saw on the news last night. An English professor (imagine that!) at Wake Forest University has just published a book about the value of unhappiness. Dr. Wilson's book, Against Happiness: In Praise of Melancholy, seems to come at a time when we might recoil in horror. After all, the world is falling apart around us! We need more more more happiness, not less!

But Wilson writes, "Everywhere I see advertisements offering even more happiness, happiness on land or by sea, in a car or under the stars. . . . It seems truly, perhaps more than ever before, an age of almost perfect contentment, a brave new world of persistent good fortune, joy without trouble, felicity with no penalty."

And that's the big lie.

Or at least the advertiser's dream: We huddle in scared masses after watching the nightly news and eat Papa John's pizza until we're sedated, or we lie in bed riddled with insomnia thinking about how we're going to face the next day, week, month—getting so frustrated that we eventually reach for the Ambien.

But it's all a carefully woven web of product placements. Actually, I take that back. It's a massive, unwieldy behemoth that threatens to suffocate us with paranoia! For the love of God, consume!

The end result is obvious: We don't know whether or not we're supposed to be happy, so we just amble through life hoping we get something right. Or we give up entirely and rely solely on the pleasure principle.

And that's how I'll cycle back to marriage and infidelity: The competing forces at work in all our lives threaten to dismantle our internal compasses. Right and wrong have been co-opted by multi-media conglomerates and Pizza Hut. Our free market capitalism moves ever closer to hegemonic monopoly. We can even buy church stickers for our cars, announcing to all passers-by that we're saved no matter what traffic laws we break.

And marriage? Let's face it, allowing gays to marry is the least of our worries in regards to maintaining sanctity in the institution. We've got voyeurism, exhibitionism, escort services, Internet porn, and a smorgasbord of pharmaceuticals to wrestle with.

In the end, we have ourselves to wrestle with.

And there you have it. Regardless of my whining and dithering, it all comes back to personal responsibility. Each of us decides. The only real roadblocks are ignorance and selfishness. If you're too stupid to break free (mentally/morally) from a dysfunctional, market-driven culture, then the odds are certainly not in your favor. If you are smart enough to recognize, "Hey wait a minute. Don't I have integrity?" and still choose transgression, well then. No need for me to continue.

I'll finish with a long quote from Joseph Campbell. Why? Because it all comes back to Campbell:

The unconscious sends all sorts of vapors, odd beings, terrors, and deluding images up into the mind—whether in dream, broad daylight, or insanity; for the human kingdom, beneath the floor of the comparatively neat little dwelling that we call our consciousness, goes down into unsuspected Aladdin caves. There not only jewels but also dangerous jinn abide: the inconvenient or resisted psychological powers that we have not thought or dared to integrate into our lives. And they may remain unsuspected, or, on the other hand, some chance word, the smell of a landscape, the taste of a cup of tea, or the glance of an eye may touch a magic spring, and then dangerous messengers begin to appear in the brain. These are dangerous because they threaten the fabric of the security into which we have built ourselves and our family. But they are fiendishly fascinating too, for they carry keys that open the whole realm of the desired and feared adventure of the discovery of the self. Destruction of the world that we have built and in which we live, and of ourselves within it; but then a wonderful reconstruction, of the bolder, cleaner, more spacious, and fully human life—that is the lure, the promise and terror, of these disturbing night visitants from the mythological realm that we carry within.

Okay. I can't end with that. Why? Because it seems that the bent of this entire blog is all toward sacrifice and blah blah blah. What about the fact that—hello—marriage isn't a bad thing!

All this stuff hinges on one key presupposition: That surely one cannot be happy in marriage. While we might not admit this so baldly, it is there (underneath the discarded clothes and bills). The idea is that somewhere down the road (a year from now, five, ten, thirty) being married to the same person just won't be fun (any more). And let's face it, that stuff I mentioned above about consumerism feeds on the notion that marriage is ultimately disappointing. We must have products in place to backfill our transgressions! "The wife will be upset about me going out with the boys, so I better buy her something shiny!"

I repeat: Is marriage so bad?!

I can say, from my own experiences, that the answer to that question is a resounding "NO!"

Why?!

Because the problems in my life and, conjointly, the problems in my wife's life, aren't inherent to or symptomatic of our relationship. "Happiness" is not the goal of life. Why should it be the goal of marriage? Think back to the points that Dr. Wilson makes in his book. Unhappiness and happiness are both essential to existence—married or otherwise.

As such, it is deeply problematic to blame marriage for something that is indicative of life in general! Frankly, after all this writing, I'm inclined to believe that it all boils down to this is: Marriage is an all too convenient scapegoat for unhappiness. It is not the cause, but it takes the blame.

I am not prepared to accept this blunder in regards to my own marriage. That may sound naïve, but what can I say, I love my wife. Happy or unhappy, that one fact will never change.

That felt good to say. Let me end with it: I love my wife.



[1] I'm reminded of America's "commitment" to Iraq. We presuppose that a commitment is made in good faith and is justified by all parties included. It logically follows that those parties would maintain the commitment in the face of conflict. However, navigating the unexpected complications (not all of which, in regards to my argument above, would classify as temptations) of any engagement/experience does not mean that the answer is "stay the course." Sometimes things change and even the best of commitments must adapt.

[2] Campbell also notes, "virtue is but the pedagogical prelude to the culminating insight, which goes beyond all pairs of opposites. Virtue quells the self-centered ego and makes the transpersonal centeredness possible; but when that has been achieved, what then of the pain or pleasure, vice or virtue, either of our own ego or of any other? Through all, the transcendent force is then perceived which lives in all, in all is wonderful, and is worthy, in all, of our profound obeisance." Clearly, there is a point at which our experiences may transcend traditional thinking. This is not, however, a reprieve or "get out of jail free" card for political officials. Rather, the self-centeredness inherent in being an official denotes less likelihood (potentially) of achieving a "culminating insight."

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Thieves, Thieves, Tramps and Thieves: Addendum

Before I post part two of this blog, I'd like to point out an interesting finding. After posting the first part, I decided to check my blog rating. Some months ago, my dear friend over at Virtual Bourgeois discovered a blog rating widget. Anyone can plug in a URL on Justsayhi.com's What's My Blog Rated? site and click Rate It! to run a simple word sampling test. What's My Blog Rated? then assigns a grade based on its database's evaluation of "bad" word frequency.

Virtual Bourgeois's rating? G.

Semeiotikos's rating? NC-17!

Now, I point this out because I was a bit shocked the first time I rated my site and discovered that it was/is so racy. It should not have been a surprise because I do tend to pepper my prose with profanity. After all, I consider myself a scholar of the English language—I even have a couple of degrees to justify that claim. And I've always been fascinated with the etymology of bad words and, well, bad culture. What can I say! I find the fringe more fascinating than the center…

But! Where does this widget providing site get its authority? Who determines which words are "bad"? It is safe to say that we might all agree that some word-offenders do merit attention.

However…

My rating was determined by these words (and yes, I repeat them with a huff of disdain!) and their frequency: 14 whores, 9 deaths, 6 shits, 5 hells, 3 farts, 2 shoots, and 1 pain.

Now, clearly from this breakdown, we can determine that the rating system hinges on the usual suspects (shit) and words relating or pertaining to violence (shoot). Makes sense.

But, does the occurrence of a word alone make it inappropriate?

Are there not appropriate uses for these words?

While I must profess my low moral character for farting so much, I can say that my use of words pertaining to violence and death is couched in discussing their complexities. My father's death, for instance, is a site of deep reflection and contemplation. I've referred to it on more than one occasion—and my analysis of Cormac McCarthy's The Road (Carry the Fire) trades heavily on issues that are universally human. I also have every intention of posting about the Coen brothers' dark, masterful take on McCarthy's No Country For Old Men. That posting will surely light up the rating monitor like a pinball machine!

Is such discussion off limits to anyone under 17? Hmm…

What got me here, now: All those "whores." Again I say, this should come as no surprise. I did mention that it is a "dirty little word." That was, after all, the point of my post.

But here's the thing: There are more instances of "pimp" in my previous post than there are "whore." 16 pimps (including "pimping"). Did the rating checker check for this word? No.

So, it is with some glee that I proclaim, "Aha! My point is proven yet again!"

Use of "pimp" = Okay (PG or, at the most, PG-13)

Use of "whore" = Bad (NC-17)

Hmm…